‘MRICA (Part 2)

I decided to omit this part of the post partly because I didn’t think it was appropriate, but then I forgot about the first amendment.  So, here it goes:

The most disturbing part of this whole passport nonsense is it allows the US government to restrict a person’s right to travel, and now they can do it based on race.  How so, you say?  Well, say that our friendly neighborhood astrophysicist John (pictured) goes to apply for a passport.   Now, the official behind the counter might not immediately take to John’s appearance.  Let’s face it, this country is filled with stereotypes about Middle Eastern people, or people that resemble the Middle East.  (John is Sikh, fyi)  I digress, instead of giving our friend John the normal form allowing him to apply for a passport rather easily by recalling basic facts about his birth, she can give him this impossible form.  John will be at a loss for words and, more importantly, information.  He cannot recall who all was in the waiting room at the time of his birth.  So, he has to call collect to his mother in Idaho, the state of his birth, and ask her who was in the waiting room.

I’m sorry, ma’am, I have no idea where my brother tripped when he was 9 years old. How is this relevant to my passport?

The official squirms with delight as John sits there flummoxed by his form. He hasn’t had a test he couldn’t pass since kindergarten. He’s an astrophysicist for crying out loud!

Now, although the above story is a bit farfetched, it is actually a real scenario that could happen with this new change.  A man who looks like a potential threat to national security by traveling can be hindered from applying.  This gives the US government power it shouldn’t have.  It is one thing to deny a person the right to travel because of a background record, but not because of the color of their skin or their religious belief.   Although the state department isn’t explicitly saying they are barring certain people from travel with the form, that is essentially what they are doing.  To say that someone shouldn’t have anything to hide and restrict their right to travel just because they can’t remember all the information on form DS-5513 is complete BS.

‘MRICA!

If you don’t like it..well, you can’t get the hell out! 
Let’s look at the bright side, you won’t be groped by the TSA employees anymore.

Somewhere in this bogus proposal to make the passport application process more like a research paper, there is some sense. I just can’t see it.
I’m pretty sure over the daily state department bong-hit session, this sounded like a good idea. But why don’t we put down the pastrami and almond chocolate candy for a second, and focus on the actual ludicrous nature of making a passport more difficult to acquire. The only way that I know how to do this is to break down the new form named DS-5513 (more like BS 5513, amirite???)!

Aside from all the standard name, current address mumbo-jumbo the government obviously needs to know, a few things stand out.
One, and the most puzzling, is the requirement to record your mother’s address 1 year prior to, during, and 1 year after your birth. WHO THE HELL REMEMBERS THAT? I just asked my own mother if she recalls that information (we moved a lot), and she said, “Let me look that up. I think I have it down…somewhere.”  If you moved around a lot like we did, this makes it impossible for you to figure out, and you have to go digging through old records, and possibly old photo albums and pray that there is a capture of your stoop number or street sign.

Secondly, it asks where your mom worked at time of birth. I’m pretty sure that everybody’s mom will be able to remember where she had to work while dragging you around for 9 months.

Ok, so far…not bad, right? I mean, it is a little outlandish to ask for all those prior residences, but it’s not that difficult to remember. But, further down the form, we are in for a treat!

The new BS form asks for your mother’s prenatal care information. The address, name of her physician…and DATES. Unless your mom keeps records meticulously, how is she supposed to remember that information? If you don’t have those records, or if your mom didn’t receive prenatal care, can they deny you a passport??

Ok, that’s not as ridiculous as the next question…
I have to quote this:
“Please describe the circumstances of your birth including names (as well as address and phone number, if available) of persons present or in attendance at your birth.”

I want to work for the state department just so I can see the ridiculous responses people can come up with. Because that’s what this is. It’s essentially a joke. It is a sham and if someone gets denied because they can’t conjure up all the information necessary to complete all this stuff…hell will break loose.

Now, we move on to one of my favorite parts of the form, EMPLOYMENT.
They ask you to list all the places you worked at and ask for your supervisor and their name and telephone number.
Oh, yeah, I’m good buddies with manager from Burger King, Jimmy! Let me pull my phone out and scroll out my contacts…yep. No Jimmy. How on earth are we supposed to remember all this information? I’m pretty sure, and again, I’m speculating, but I don’t believe all this information is on file.

The state department says the form will take 45 minutes to complete. Well, the only thing I have to say is “it better”. Because all the energy I waste trying to fill out this dumb form in order to get a passport from the US government should only encompass 3/4 of the clock. Also, if it takes more than 45 minutes of my precious cell phone minutes, the State can expect my cell phone bill.